


Size Matters

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Explicit Language, Friendship, Hogwarts Era, The Quidditch Pitch: From Diagon Alley to Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-03
Updated: 2006-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Short ficlet in which Ron discovers Fred and George have started a slightly adult line to Wheezes'. Comedy.





	Size Matters

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Ron leaned against the closed door, mouth gaping.  
  
"Ron, you'll catch flies," George admonished.  
  
"And we might need them later," Fred went on.  
  
"Mum's going to kill you both if she ever sees that!" Ron exclaimed, pointing at the white item in George's hand.  
  
"Well, little bro, we weren't planning on her knowing. Understand?"  
  
Ron nodded, his jaw still open. "What are they?" he asked, looking at the piles of underwear neatly stacked around the otherwise chaotic offal of half-empty potions flasks, outlandishly coloured Headless Hats and other unmentionables including the twins' own dirty clothes.  
  
"Newest product," Fred said, smirking. "Adult line."  
  
"A… Adult line?" Ron said, pressing back against the door.  
  
"'Y-Yes'es," George said, grinning as he made a pair of the y-fronts dance in his hands.  
  
"Bollocks! They're Y-Nots," Fred insisted.  
  
"Y-yeses."  
  
"Y-nots."  
  
"Y-yeses, you stubborn arsehole."  
  
"Um," Ron interrupted, his face a shade of pink under his freckles, "What do they do?"  
  
"A fine question. These allow a gent to appear a bit more prominent below the belt than he does in real life, if you get my drift."  
  
"They what?" Ron spluttered, his blush venturing down his neck.  
  
"Pretty simple, really," George said, looking at his younger brother. "If you've been doing a fair amount of experimentation with engorgement charms, that is. What waist size are you? You can wear a prototype tonight. You're meeting Dean and Harry in London, right?"  
  
"Bloody hell. I don't know!"  
  
"You don't know what your waist size is, or you don't know that you're meeting your friends?" Fred snickered. He looked at the piles, then walked over to one and took the top pair off and tossed it to Ron. He clutched at the pair as they hit his chest, then he raised them to his face, sniffing them with an apprehensive look.  
  
"Just give them a go. What's the harm?" George asked, looking provocatively at Ron's crotch.  
  
"Oy! You two leave my private bits out of this." He held the underwear out, examining them. "They're not going to make me look really huge, right?"  
  
"Do you want them to?" Fred asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Don't listen to Fred," George said, shaking his head and opening a yet-uncharmed package of briefs. "We actually want to sell these, and not just as novelty items. It's a subtle charm, but enough to make a difference, especially under tight trousers."  
  
"So to answer your question, no, you won't look like you have a dragon's di-"  
  
"Shut up or I won't be your trial run," Ron said. "I can't believe I'm doing this," he mumbled, smelling the y-fronts yet again.  
  
"There's nothing scented on them," Fred said, patting Ron on the shoulder. "You just give them a go and let us know if you don't get appreciative looks from the ladies."  
  
Ron was shaking his head as he left the twins' room.  
  
  
***  
  
  
"Go 'way! It's bloody two a.m." George was being very unpleasantly shaken awake by Ron, who reeked of cigarette smoke.  
  
"George. S'brilliant. You'n Fred are bloody fucking brilliant. Harry and Dean want to buy some. How much do they cost?"  
  
George snorted. "No idea. I'll come up with something in the morning. Now let me sleep."  
  
Ron went away, practically dancing and humming under his breath.  
  
"Did you hear that?"  
  
"How could I not?" Fred made a contented sigh. "Weasley's Wankable Wares."  
  
George coughed. "Let's give that name a thought in the morning too."  
  
"Like you'd come up with something better."  
  
"Night, you git."  



End file.
